From age 15 until basically 31, I’ve been in a relationship. The first one being from 15 to 16; then another from 17 to 22; and then I was married from 24 until we separated when I was 31. Though we stayed married for some years after, I have not been seriously involved with anyone since then. That’s 5 years, people!! Don’t get me wrong… I haven’t “gone without”, but I haven’t had someone to call mine. For whatever reason, people seem to think I need to put myself out there more… and they’re shocked when they find out just how long it’s been since my last relationship. My question to everyone is… why do I have to be in one? Why can’t I just let it happen when it happens? Why can’t I just be single?
In all honesty, at this point, I’ve been single for so long that I’d have some difficulty trying to share my time with someone. I’m used to my freedom and my independence to do what I want, when I want. That’s part of why my marriage did work for a while… he was always deployed… so I had that freedom. Ultimately, he didn’t like my level of independence even though I didn’t have an option given that he was gone over half the year nearly every year! Now, my house is MY house. Everything is where I like it. I can stay up as late as I want in whatever room I want to be in. I can watch whatever I want to watch on TV. I can take as long as I want in the bathroom to get ready every day. I can go out in the middle of the night for ice cream if I feel the urge. I can listen to MY music as loud as I want anytime I want. All of these things I’ve been doing for 5+ years now… I don’t know how well I’d do in a relationship at this point.
Initially, I had so much going on with me personally that I didn’t want a relationship anyway. Not only had I just gone through the most depressing year of my life… full of so much loss… but, just as I moved out I also had surgery due to the damage caused in 2006. That left me with a year of follow-up appointments and exams. By the time all of it was said and done, the only person I needed to put my time and energy into was me. I think everyone, at some point in their lives, needs to work on themselves. So, that’s exactly what I’ve done. For the last 5 years, I’ve been in a committed relationship with one person.