One of the most disappointing feelings I’ve found in life is that feeling you experience when you realize someone isn’t who they portray themselves to be. Outwardly, they seem to be so open and loving of everyone around them… yet, once you get to know them you find it’s all a façade. In reality, they’re judgmental, arrogant, egotistical, and any measure of caring and concern previously shown is nonexistent… or greatly depleted in comparison. Unfortunately for me, I want so badly to find the good in everyone that I tend to keep believing and searching… although deep down I know my hopes are likely going to be left empty. Nevertheless, I can’t find it within myself to give up. Call me a glutton for punishment, I guess.
We all have our faults; and sometimes I think I’m kind to a fault. While I will go out of my way for anyone without expecting anything in return, I can’t help but feel bitter when my kindness is taken for granted. However, I’ve also found that those who appear beautiful on the outside can be made ugly by what’s on the inside. There is someone I know whose arrogance shows through almost to a point of desperation… and while many women fall to his feet, I find him to be incredibly unattractive when I see how much he “enjoys” the attention. He actually had the nerve to tell a heavier girl that he could help her if she wanted to lose weight… and slid his personal trainer card over to her. That takes some serious balls to say something like that!! And of course, she giggled… loving the attention from this good-looking guy. But, it disgusted me. I can’t even stand to be in the same general space as him.
Another prime example is a guy I dated briefly after my marriage ended. He was the epitome of gorgeous. I’m talking tall, tanned, blonde haired, deep blue eyed, killer mega-watt smile, body to die for gorgeous. Not to mention he looked sexy as hell on a motorcycle… which is how we met. He spoiled me rotten… taking me out every single night. Only the best restaurants for romantic dinners, etc. We’d spend our weekends riding up the coast to grab lunch in a beach town and then walking around checking out the shops. And when we were on two wheels… we rode completely in sync with one another… maneuvering around cars… and opening up the throttle to speed down the freeway far above the speed limit. Anyway… after a few months, our relationship was at a standstill and I decided to ask him where “we” were going. His response was to tell me that I just didn’t fit the trophy mold of the girl he wanted on his arm. Obviously, I was more than a little taken aback by such a bold statement. So, I asked him why he was dating me since he apparently wasn’t attracted to me. He shrugged and said… and I quote, because I’ll never forget it… “I don’t know… boredom, I guess.” My jaw hit the floor. He was quick to add he found me fun to be around though. Wow… okay. Needless to say, I just shook my head and decided it was time to head home. I guess I should have known… I mean, the guy had a tattoo on his leg that said “MONEY SEX POWER”. We didn’t see each other again after that night. Although I saw him from a distance now and then, my perception of him had changed. He was no longer that gorgeous guy who could make me swoon. Just a year ago or so, I actually ran into him… karma sure is a bitch… he looked like shit and had nothing left to show for all his business dealings. He even had the audacity to ask me out again. Yeah… never gonna’ happen, sweetheart.
Moral of the story? When you’ve made the best lemonade around out of the lemons life has handed you… don’t drink it all at once. Just because you have it all doesn’t mean there are not those, like myself, who can’t see right through you. Your lemons may look pretty on the outside, but they’re bitter and tart on the inside. Of course, maybe I need to stop looking for so much good in others, too… Nah. 😉